Author: Jennifer Foor
Series: Love's Suicide #2
Release Date: March 7, 2015
Genre: New Adult
More Info: Goodreads
Purchase: Amazon US
Imagine being in love with the same girl since you were ten years old, only to have her fall for your twin instead. This story is rocky.
It will rip you apart and possibly put you back together again.
I know this because it's my story.
The pain and anguish experienced in this is what it was like to hold onto hope that some day we'd find each other again. I won't sugar coat the details of what I went through to have her, nor will I apologize for any actions that led me right back into her life.
Sometimes love isn't enough.
Sometimes it takes a little fate.
Dear Mom and Dad,
I wanted you to know that I’ve arrived overseas, and have settled in the best I’m able to. I owe you both an apology. Never in a million years did I see things playing out the way they have. I didn’t show up at the wedding to ruin everyone’s lives. The truth is that I couldn’t help myself. I had to pursue her, because I’ve loved that girl since we were children. She’s everything to me.
I know I made a mess of things. I screwed up and embarrassed you. I ruined my relationship with Branch, but I think you deserve to know why. All this time, all the years since they started dating, he’d been feeding Kat and I lies, keeping us apart. From the age of twelve he told me Kat wasn’t interested. I trusted him.
Apparently he was doing the same to Kat, telling her that I didn’t like her that way. All this time we could have been together, but instead he weaseled his way into her heart, making her feel bad for ever having feelings for me.
I’m not saying that what I did wasn’t wrong. I know right from wrong. Two people went into my hotel room that night, and what happened was mutual. We knew the risks, but took them anyway. I honestly couldn’t stop myself. Once the truth was revealed nothing could have kept me from her.
You may never be able to understand what it’s been like for me, watching her with him, year after year, as if I was a punching bag. I’ve got thick skin, but even the toughest person would have broken down at some point. I’ve been trained to replace pain with power, but this doesn’t apply. I’m on a path of destruction, because I simply don’t care anymore. Branch ruined my life. He was the reason I had to get away. Joining the military was my way out. I knew it would keep me from coming home, and bearing the burden of watching them happy. I punished myself for loving her, and attempted to move on with no result. No matter how hard I try I can’t stop loving her, and that’s why I know I can’t come home. There’s nothing left there for me except pain. I’ll never regret being able to live under the same roof as my two best friends, but I will hate myself for not going after what I wanted sooner. I could have prevented all of this. We could be sharing our lives together, having children, and waking up to knowing nothing will tear us apart. Instead I’m on the other side of the world, throwing myself into defending my country, because it’s the only thing keeping me going.
I can’t promise that I’ll write back all the time. It’s hard for me to sit down and put my feelings on paper. I’ve already been warned that what I’m about to see over here will haunt me forever. I’m used to living in hell, so I’ve got every reason to believe that I’ll get through it. For what it’s worth, I’m sorry that I was such a disappointment. I was acting out, because I couldn’t have what I wanted. Jealousy took control, forcing my hand to make irrational decisions. At the end of the day I deserve to be here, in the middle of this battle zone. If something happens to me and I don’t return please don’t dwell on my death. Just know I’m no longer in any pain. Nothing will ever hurt me again.
Thank you for bringing me up right, and teaching me what was love was. As much as it hurts, I don’t regret experiencing it. How I feel about Kat is something special. Not everyone finds their true love so early in life. Perhaps that’s why I couldn’t keep her. Maybe I had enough time with her when we were younger. No matter the case, I’m appreciative.
Take care of her and Branch. Help them to make amends. We’ll always be family.